I knew it was a bad sign when my London agent gave me his new email address: Loser3@hotmail.com

An odd day. Thought up a few French puns. Starting with a possible character in a novel called Jacques Un (chaque un = each one) and his brother Johnny Un (j'en ai un = I have one {of them})... and moving swiftly on to Pain au Raison (a type of philosophical bun).

I have been working on various musical projects afk (away from keyboard) hence the paucity of blog-postings.

Someone posted a link to this 'puzzle' site yesterday - apparently if you scored 19 or more you are considered to be 'genius level' - I submitted 'the above' for their consideration as they seemed to be hankering after more puzzlettes for their webpage.

Can anyone guess this one?

Sometimes you have to just sit around and drink tea
Not every day can be one for creativity

And although to the outsider it appears a crime
Or that you’re just kissing away time

We need these empty spaces to grow
For the less you think the more you’ll know

Or the more you know the less you’ll think
As vast imagined Elephants turn a shade of pink

As ideas float with magical believing
One tries to grasp them never quite succeeding

We need these empty spaces to grow
Grey matter, needs its stimulus, reticular cortex and co.

And although to the outsider it appears a crime
Or that you’re just kissing away time

Not every day can be one for creativity
Sometimes you have to just sit around and drink tea

After having been messed around by a company calling themselves "365" for 22 days, I finally insisted on a refund. They told me today that it would be a further 2 1/2 weeks before they even took delivery of the fridge freezer I had in mind. Last week they'd promised me a phone call Tuesday or Wednesday - I ended up phoning them on Thursday. This week they promised to phone me on Monday or Tuesday - I ended up phoning them today (Thursday).

The bottom line is I have no fridge.

I researched another fridge-freezer I liked through a website called PriceRunner UK (a price comparison website), only to be told to purchase it through "365". That word with As, Rs, Gs and Hs springs to mind.

Illustrated below is my brand new fridge which I bought off the internet a month ago on a credit card. Apparently, they are phoning me yesterday or the day before that with a delivery date.

I've had one or two things on my mind so hadn't got round to hassling them, but tomorrow is another day!

It looks like the secret project has had its plug pulled, so my quest for world fame will have to wait another 12 months while I devise another cunning plan.

Isn't life fun?

...and this is definitely the wrong time of day for it. I suggested to Kirsty ('of jammieness') that there ought to be a 'happy hour' on calories for one hour a day - at the time, suggesting 6pm to 7pm. On deeper reflection, I think Midnight to 1 a.m. should be a zero-rated calorie zone - eat what you like and it doesn't count. What do people reckon (or has that smoke been wafting through my screen [see previous {or next} blog-posting] too heavily?)

...but I once got into a particularly energetic (/humorous) mood from inhaling (amongst a circle of dubious acquaintances).

I'm getting close to that kind of mood now, so if you are currently indulging, please waft some smoke through your screen to me.

Thank you for your attention.

The painter James Purpura works while listening to music and this particular example was created while listening to the composition I mentioned below - Appalachian Spring.

http://www.jpurpura.com/gallery.htm

I have been listening to Appalachian Spring and the Clarinet Concerto by this great American composer (a free CD with the BBC Music magazine) over the last couple of days & trying to stay focused on my secret project (of which some of you are aware!) Things are now at 'critical' to determine whether I become a fully fledged Zee-list celebrity!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Copland

This is an event I participate in at around Midnight when I have a serious overflow of garbage to dump. Fortunately, there is an office down the road that boasts a row of half-a-dozen wheelie bins which are easily accessible to the local miscreants. I managed a 'round trip' of 400 metres this evening with extra brownie points for heavy sack-carrying.

A jar of artichoke hearts. Ditto Queen Olives (large green ones). A whole avacado. A grapefruit. 1/2 kilo of black grapes.

(That was a joke btw... although, I probably have 'managed' 1 of all of the above on separate days).

I will do it on Monday. = I might do it within the next 21 days if I get around to it.

I am definitely interested 100%. = I am slightly interested, probably about 29%.

Without fail, I will phone or text you. = Or maybe not.

We will phone you back within the next hour. = 48 hours, maybe 72.

We will phone you on Tuesday or Wednesday. = You will phone us on Thursday with a complaint!

I will see you on Monday. = Possibly Thursday.

I’ll be there at 8pm on the dot. = 10 past 9.

Book me a ticket, I’m coming. = I’m not coming, I won’t give you any money back for the ticket so you’d better have another available friend.

Things are going well. = Things are going badly.

Do not worry about the money. = Start worrying about the money a lot.

This is an original list of my own compilation. I am looking for extra ideas to publish at my American blog, so please post your ideas below.

This is possibly worse news than being told that someone is in a meeting. You are likely to be 'on hold' for at least five minutes and there is a fair chance that the new person you are going to talk to on the phone is slightly less clued up on the situation than their predecessor.

It is a constant battle to keep space tidy. I always joke about how we fight for the square inch (and the cubic centimetre) in my part of the world. Just looking around my computer/tv room right now, I have papers strewn about all of the available chairspace, so many books that they don't fit on the bookshelves and just generally 'stuff' lying about everywhere... and I've been tidying up for days! I'm hoping to send some items off to auction soon which will make both space and money - a nifty combination.

A lot of people throw around the term Feng Shui when talking about decluttering. Here are some Feng Shui links -

http://www.fengshuisociety.org.uk/

http://www.fengshui.co.uk/FengShuiInfo.htm

http://www.all-about-feng-shui.co.uk/feng-shui-for-homes.html

There is more information at Wikipedia.

First of all... can anyone tell me exactly which year this word became current; even possibly, who coined the word?

At last, I have got my hands on this obscure gem of children's literature! I used to own a copy of this crazy book - a simple story of a child who names every pet animal in their possession 'Bozo'. Bozo the Frog, Bozo the mouse etc etc - there were just Too many Bozos!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=006&item=160028878986

Dervla the Dervish served devilled swordfish, danced the Polka in pink, was never nervous or raffish while the tuna smirked.

£40K for a scribble... nice work if you can get it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5348630.stm

It's a sunny day. I received a letter with the most amazing signature today. It looks like three enormous squashed spiders. Also, there's something else I noticed about this signature. There's no 'name' to it. It was sent to me by a company that I will abbreviate to T.S. Ltd. - at the foot of the letter, there is this terrific signature/scrawl, followed by T.S. Ltd (no name of person responsible). Another one for the shredder... or should I have it framed?

Anyone fancy a collectable self-adhesive address label?

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=004&item=140029128596

Does anyone else out there in blogland refer to these items as 'dead men'? 'The bottle is empty... yes, another dead man.' (My expected answer is 'no').

A friend who is designing a website for me has been warning me about Apaches. Should I be concerned?

I've been aware of this tv programme for a while but have never seen a complete show. I saw about 25-odd minutes of last night's broadcast and it was actually pretty good entertainment. It must be totally nerve-wracking to present your borderline wacky business proposal to 5 zillionaires. Most of the contestants were extremely nervous (understandable) but the show is certainly a good insight into entrepreneurship in this country.

I disagree with the decision to give Flintoff back the captaincy. Strauss was doing a good job under difficult conditions (i.e. so many injured players out). We are undoubtedly going to see a repeat of the Botham situation. You just cannot make a brilliant all-rounder the captain as well, he's got enough on his plate already. Strauss will eventually get the captaincy back and there will be some red faces around.

And how does this mirror life? It just does, trust me on this one!

An imaginative Quiz in which I ask some questions and answer them in a kind of informal Q. & A. setting.

Q. So, we’ve mapped the human genome. What next for those crazy scientists?

A. It’s a colour. It’s not purple or orange. It’s green. Scientists must focus on Green now.

Q. I only have to leave my front door to realise just what an abyss society has now sunk to. Is there a quick (or slow) solution?

A. a) I could move. b) People could become more educated. c) I could stay at home for the next 30 years.

Q. Just how important in life is money?

A. Many years ago, my mother said to me ‘Don’t make money your God.’ That was actually very good advice indeed. I decided to make Music and the Arts my ‘God’ – unfortunately, that didn’t pay and I’ve often had times when I’ve struggled financially. One thing in my favour is that I’m not the world’s biggest spender and am pretty much debt-free, so if my projects do ever come to fruition it will probably come as quite a shock to the system to have large amounts of spare cash.

Q. Circular arguments, are they tautological?

A. Probably.

Q. Well, we’re well into the 21st Century now. What (apart from the Internet) has been the biggest change that we’ve seen since 2000?

A. Is there anything apart from the Internet?

The cryptic title of this blog can be better understoond if you scroll down (approx.) 3 blog-postings.

I've had an action-packed weekend which has been for the most part constructive. Have clocked up a lot of hours proofreading music for my new publisher (all in the greater cause) and done a fair bit of teaching.

Have just had a brief telephonic communication with my concert pianist colleague - we are going full steam ahead with the promotion of the forthcoming CD 'Piano Colours'.

The week ahead looks quite relaxing in comparison. One of my more interesting tasks is sending 4 chairs to Bonhams for auction (far too good to put on eBay). I have to find out if they'll come to the house in a van and take them away (together with any other choice items I can lay my hands on in the mean time). Reason for sale - decluttering.

魚辞書は答えを明らかにする

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=aaaaaaaarrrggggggghhhhhhhh&btnG=Search&meta=

I wrote this group in half an hour!

http://www.postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=36702

I just read this interesting article at the BBC News (Business pages)

Have you ever been made an offer you felt you couldn't afford to refuse?

Most of us have had the experience of buying a mobile phone or hiring a car on holiday, to find that suddenly the friendly assistant is talking about frightening risks and offering to protect us from them.

Before we drive our hire cars onto the dangerous foreign streets, we are warned about the excess of 900 euros if something goes wrong.

For just 10 euros a day, we can make that worry vanish.

But before you sign up for your peace of mind, stop and think: economists think you might be making a classic error.

Unfair price

When should you pay over the odds for insurance?

If you can bring yourself to keep cool about little risks, you should insure only the big risks

Tim Harford

If you pay 10 euros a day to protect yourself from a 900 euro excess, then that's fair if you crash into something every 90 days.

Of course, if your driving is that bad or the roads are that dangerous, you should probably walk instead.

Even if you crash your car once a year or so, you would be paying four times more than was fair for your car hire insurance.

Whether you should do that or not depends on how frightened you are of risk.

Small risk

Most of us worry too much about little risks like losing a cheap mobile phone.

One of the major phone companies will insure a cheap mobile phone for 92 pence a week, about £50 a year.

The phone itself will cost £50 to replace.

That is a typical price, but despite all the headlines about mobile phone theft, most phones live peaceful lives and die of old age.

The fair price for the insurance is probably closer to £5 a year.

Fair price

What is more, most of the people who buy the phone insurance could afford to replace a £50 phone without having to starve.

We are buying protection from a risk that we can afford to take, and we are buying it at an incredibly high price.

You could take the money you would have spent on extra insurance for your washing machine, mobile phone and rental car and put it into a savings account.

For such small risks and such overpriced insurance, it is very likely that the savings account will contain enough money to pay for the occasional phone that falls down the lavatory.

In effect, you are insuring yourself, and at a fair price too.

Taoism in economics

It can make sense to pay for insurance, even overpriced insurance, to protect yourself from a big risk: your house burning down, or you becoming ill and unable to work for years.

For that kind of risk, there is no way your savings account will ever be big enough.

But that is what insurance is designed for: risks that you cannot afford to take, not risks that you can.

If you can bring yourself to keep cool about little risks, you should insure only the big risks, such as your house burning down.

(What counts as a big risk, of course, depends on how rich you are.)

As for the mobile phone in the lavatory, you will simply have to tell yourself that in the big scheme of things, it is not that important.

That is the closest that economics will ever come to Taoism.

The big picture

The strange thing is, I only know two other people who actually behave like this - not taking insurance on little risks..

Both of them are wealthy economists.

Why will the practice never catch on?

Economic psychologists have researched how we respond to risk, and discovered that we find it impossible to put our losses into context.

I should recognise that the value of my home fluctuates every hour by more than the value of the mobile phone I am so worried about losing.

It will not be the house price, but the theft of the phone that upsets me.

And it is the risk of being upset that mobile phone companies will remind me about next time I am in one of their shops.

Tim Harford is a Financial Times columnist and author of "The Undercover Economist". He presents a new BBC series, Trust Me, I'm an Economist, starting on BBC Two at 7pm on Friday 18 August.

Not everyone likes it. Some people hate it - those people are usually lacking in imagination and/or a sense of humour. Two great british nonsense writers were Lewis Carrol and W.S.Gilbert (of Gilbert & Sullivan fame). Spike Milligan was another... it really is a traditional British pursuit. Oscar Wilde said 'there is far too little nonsense in this world of ours'. Even our top scientist Richard Dawkins has been indulging in nonsense recently:

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

Link ~

http://www.venganza.org/